S2E3 - Sexpectations after Forty

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What a guy you and it's your
board and we're back with another episode of

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Gins and Tonic. Today's episode we
are talking about expectations after forty forty,

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forty, forty ninety nties. Okay, so talking about today's tonic. Third,

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today's tonic is fourties. It is
gin wrong, my good tequila,

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blue carouse out and strawberry, the
need um the strawberry, the need to

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sneak it all in there so you
don't get here for the kind of get

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that you drinking something horrid. All
right, So it's hall of forties.

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What a forty? You know what
you expect? All right, So let's

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talk about it after forty what are
we really looking for? Fuck up in

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our sex to EIDs. I don't
want to think after forty you should have

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you should lose all your inhibitions.
So whatever goes, I mean anything goes,

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not whatever goes, anything goes at
the forty that does not happen.

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I didn't say it happens because the
expectations should be like, all right,

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well you know I tried this,
I did that. I'm comporable with this.

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I'm not comporable with that. So
by forty you should know Okay,

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this is what it is. Okay, so you should know your menu.

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Yes, you should know what you're
like, what you don't like. You

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go to move right the move that
don't work for you. But that's not

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necessarily Oh yeah, in inbitions going
out the door. Yeah, that's because

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you you know't worked out like Okay, I know what I'm good at them

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when I'm not good at So I
shouldn't have any inhibitions about having the sex.

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If i'm if I'm explaining like crazy, here's why I'm with mine,

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figure out where you're with yours.
We'll meet in the middle, all right,

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one of us a one night stand, because you know, not everybody's

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moved up in there for us.
So what if it's the one night stand?

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You're not having that conversation. Here's
where I had my mind where you

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go at the jewels. That's what
we're gonna do. It's just h let's

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show up, see what happens.
Fire works, No fire works. Put

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my head behind her, laid behind
my head, my head behind side that.

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Okay, I don't know where you
were going. I put your head

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but on but so dangerous after four
years dangerous. You gotta don't say no,

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your limitations, you can't he like, that's you guys's nor spin boying

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know your limitations. But I think
even if well, I don't like if

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I guess if you have them one
night stands at forty, there should be

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no expectation, like if I'm going
in to have a one night stand,

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everything should be on the table,
every ever, everything, every yever,

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everything, I've got a limitation.
I was like, if I'm not don't

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want nd stands, it's like,
okay, I'm just gonna leave here missionary

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and let you do what you do. I should expect that, Okay,

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this is gonna be wild for the
night. Really, why wouldn't you Why

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would you suppose you want missionary type
of person? That's what it is.

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Why do you have a one lefe
stands and from missionary? And I couldn't

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get to something and you hit right
now and I gotta get shot out into

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scratch, so you well, then
you should tag somebody else said was it?

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Because if you're tagging me in,
I'm trying to do rooms for chandeliers

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and everything. So back back,
anybody relaxed, I'm talking about em and

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in a perfect order, can't say
right now we just said nobody a limitation.

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You can't swing from nobody. Chando
here, I don't even want back

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to swee for machandelier? Would you
need my arms? Yeah? Yeah,

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Look hold on, I see a
lot them back action. Can I see

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a lot of Actually that's just just
just the movements that I'll showing that.

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That's the chandelier swinging. So I
gotta ket show you that motion. But

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I'm old. Hold on right head. We got that at time, so

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you could lift some stuff too.
Now you can carry what you shot now

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when I lived in nothing is that
I don't? Can't somebody else still lifted?

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Can't you lift for leg? For
like? Can't can you lift for

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old? Why can't we still do
one of those numbers? Just jump up?

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R that was now? Didn't not
be the next month? I'm going

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all right, I'm good, thank
you, But you go back. If

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you know it's that, that's that
you know, what's her day, that's

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what she likes. She likes to
lift up at that. You're going back.

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You said it was a one night
stam. How you going? I

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don't know what you want back?
Make up your mind? Who's gonna be

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a number one night saying we got
start out as a one night stand.

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But I think that if it's a
one night stand, there again, there

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should be no expectation. I should
be able to be like, Okay,

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I'm gonna try this. I'm gonna
try that. You should be willing to

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try to if you're adventurous enough to
do the one night stand. Sometimes just

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fall into a one night stand because
you've had a fourties and that fourties slap

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bart. Listen, if you knew
that the fourties was gonna make you go

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and tease somebody else and get you
into a situation which you can't handle.

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Should that trump responsible? You're responsible
and not responsible might not be the same

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thing one resent, but again,
you don't put yourself in a position where

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you're having like a one night stand
and you you have okay or listen,

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So here's my limitations. Safe word
and we're gonna use that and then as

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soon as everything starting, okay,
here's a safe word, like what like,

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we didn't even do nothing yet.
Safe words are good. No,

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no, safe words are good.
Straight words are great. But the problem

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is, let's just take I don't
let's just safe word. I don't have

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a safe word like it's nothing safe. It's whatever goes, and I'm gonna

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cry, and then the hope that
it stops shook, the pain stop seeing.

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It's just gonna fuck up a stout
man unintended. All right, So

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we talk about that night stance.
But it is your expectation different after forty

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if you're single and dating versus if
you're in a long term relationship, versus

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if you are married. So there's
three different scenarios. Are you expectations over

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forty different in those three situations?
I don't think they should be. I

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think again, at that point,
you should have your sexpectations. So I

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expect this and I expect that.
So if I'm not willing to give and

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and bendaloo, then I shouldn't be
partaking in the activities. Which way are

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you gonna be? Will trip?
We want backing her? So what if

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somebody wants you to bed back way
and your back is saying no way?

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What happens? Saved work? Safe
word work? You say you don't have

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to save work. I made my
point, so I disagree. I believe

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that is definitely different in your forties, whether you're in a relationship or long

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term relationship and marriage I think are
about the same when it comes to expectations.

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If you're not a relationship and you're
going out there, I still think

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you're trying to bring a little level
of excitement. You're still trying to impress

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somebody. You might be trying to
bag it up, so you're trying to

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bring your a game, Whereas in
a relationship, I expect now on certain

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nights, I'm only gonna get but
my mines, I don't expect that.

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If I'm meeting you and we could
get out whatever that I'm getting five minutes,

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you better come with it, because
if you give me five minutes,

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you'll never see anything. Was the
whole point. It was when I say

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anyways, and I got mom,
so I got mine and got one,

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and you can't and you can't guarantee
there. It's like you're going in with

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an expectation like, oh, I'm
got to tear this up. Then all

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sudden things change. She might have
that waterfall and be like oh my god

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and lose it. H oh.
She means you'd be like, okay,

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like I don't even know why I'm
here, and she's like, you know

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what, Yeah, it was good
for me, but I don't I don't

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think you no, no, no, I did. I have my own

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mind. Can I help you out
with drugs? You know? So you

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can't. You can't say that you're
gonna go there and give one hundred percent.

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You want to give one hundred Wait
a minute, somebody said I'm gonna

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give hundred No, no, no, you gotta give one hundredercent to give

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to the end. That's why I
so regardless of one hundred percent in this

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situation is different than one hundred scent
and finishing one hundred scent. Like all

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right, I'm gonna I'm gonna do
this. Here's the scene over here,

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man, I'm gonna I'm gonna lead
out this way boom. Then I'll get

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over here after I do this,
then I'll go over here. I ain't

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gonna put over there in your mind, that's what's going on when reality is

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oh my, oh my, oh
oh, this is oh god, I'm

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sorry. This is not what happens
to me. And yes, yeah,

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I just say I'm sorry. I
didn't say I'm sorry. I laughed at

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it like that wasn't supposed to happen. Maybe next time, you know,

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I have to truckle live and like
h I don't believe that just happened.

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But what did the first one fame? They laughed because they made a joke

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of it, but I'm pretty sure
that they would after the fact like to

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here, like and what's funny is
like I don't talk big game, like

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I don't never say on ye,
I'm gona tell you that because you never

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know what's gonna happen. You could
be a good day, it could be

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a bad day. So I'm not
gonna say they didn't put any expectation in

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your head, like, oh,
it's about to be a full marathon.

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It could be a two minute please
a teasers. Nay, you don't know.

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He just don't know, Like it
could be like you could have like

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a girl moaning could be your your
thing. It's sexual. So this girl

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starts moaning. He's like, oh, I'm telling this up. Meanwhile,

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are you're not really doing the world. But that's just her, you know,

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trying to help you and it helps
you to the point where he's like

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okay, he splack. No,
it wasn't my fault. She didn't know.

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That was my weakness, that was
my cripping life. So I have

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to apologize. And you're trying to
make it up to you next time.

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Okay, within that visit fin my
next time now, because after that point

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it's like, now you got you
gotta try it too hard to make up

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and the anxiety will make it to
what you can't make up. It's like,

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I want you, I really like
you, but it's pressure I'm putting

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on myself life after forty because if
there was funny sight, it was right

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back at trying to him like no
cares, and I'm gonna tell you right

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now, I'm tight, tighter than
the bowl, Like, you can't be

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serious. You better get your mind
right and get back on the course.

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I will. That's no, you
don't be on the next time. If

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I ain't about a dad a set
again, when I'm staying I'm good with

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it. What are you talking about? All of them? Oh scenarios,

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it's not necessarily that's dating. So
if you're in a serious leadership, of

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course, then the next time,
you know, you try to put more

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effort ince to It's like, all
right, I knew what I did wrong

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the last time. As soon as
she started moming throat shop, she didn't

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breath. You want hid and he's
he's working and he's working nothing. You

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know, hopefully you make up for
the last time, but again they catch

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you. Mea case no because maybe
she likes to be you know, through

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shop can't enough. She should have
hit her safe for her before I got

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it when she said we go like
this, she should have said that safe

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ford safe for one. And then
he's like all right, and you had

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to figure out something else. Oh
my god. All right. So having

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had a moment after forty that you
really really impressed yourself, like yo,

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like, I'm a man, I
can't believe I did that. Where that

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come from? I don't know.
We're gonna pull that out. I had

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to pull that out of no.
No even more because now I never bound

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myself on her back, like like
I'm aware of what's capable, what you're

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capable of, right, So it's
like, okay, I know life can

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do this, but my body doesn't
have to necessarily agree with Like, look,

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I know what you want to do, right, Can you make a

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little compromise here? How about I
gave you a solid two minutes and you

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talk a good game for about ten? Can me there? And that's it

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ends up happening sometimes. So when
I you know what I know can happen

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because it's been done in before and
what actually happens is like within the voice,

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not before the voice. You've done
it within the voice, so you

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don't get happen, you know,
like you've you've all your years, you've

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you've practiced to perfect it to now
like I'm here now this is my moment

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to shots did it? You know
what I mean? It's like but again

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after forty years, like okay,
your mind and your body is having two

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different conversations, like, bro,
I'm trying to go to sleep. What

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you doing. You think it's different
for man that it is for woman.

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Why? Uh? Because the man
has to put in more of the work,

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and it's more of work more.
Yeah, it's more of the pressure,

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more pressure, more work, gonna
work. Why tell me? One

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position beside is writing that a woman
does the work, you get you can

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stand straight, And she thought back, not just get me one any one

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that's you stand straight? And she
thought back, you're not ane and the

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corn movies look down at it is
okay, so she does a little extra.

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What for the majority you grabbing a
you're moving, No, you have

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nothing. You just gotta concentrate,
don't don't listen to the morning count to

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ten say yeah aw ss sets me
straight, her telling me again, it's

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not it's not too many places where
the girl is doing the most work,

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like the guy's doing the world and
the pressure going the guy Like, okay,

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so you have to get wet if
you are enjoying me going l you're

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there, You're half way, it
is, that's half the battle, you're

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saying by wyat west and back way. Yeah. Yeah, because we ain't

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gonta done else. Just it has
to be wet. Okay. Now,

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if it's not wet, it's for
sure that terms a man of baby.

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Um, if it's too wet,
you ain't feeling nothing that may turn a

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man on. How do you know
I'm not feeling that or my feeling like,

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oh it's too wet, y'all,
mister, I don't know what's that.

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I don't chase some wonderfuls. I
don't understand what's too wet asmodey chases

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wonderfuls. Okay, I'm just talking
about in general. Okay, so it's

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like this is not for you.
No, I'm just saying in general.

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I'm pretty sure that if you take
a survey, you'd be like Okay,

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if it's too dry, too wet, it's like the three bets. You

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know you gonna a survey on y'all. I smell a survey coming in,

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So it's you getting wet. And
then the interaction between you two, like

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if a girl is really wet and
it's like, okay, she's into this.

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Now you start to set yourself o
oh, I gotta chien it up.

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And you're overthinking it and you're putting
yourself in a place where it's like,

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okay, I'm getting way tooth cited
and splash, so you don't indicated

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splash. Yeah, and what else
you're back going out? What else You're

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gonna give me a lot of fails
that happened in the foyees, Well,

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that's life. You're trying to tell
me you had two foities to just full

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of fails when it comes to samee. Pooh, I didn't say that.

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I'm just saying that those are the
possibilities, strong possibilities, strong possibility morning

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life and possibilities are just strong possibilities. What is the difference if I just

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put it up like nine times out
of ten, eight times out of ten,

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I don't know. You gott no
we don't want me keepers, so

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we don't want to do that.
I should not be thinking about keepers in

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stats. Women don't keep sets.
Were just gonna have y'all co taging on

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the surveys and just let us know
the biggest forty fails. But yeah,

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all right, So I have high
expectations after forty, yet still expect a

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good fifteen to thirty minutes. And
that's fine. Don't get him in three

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to five. I'm gonna be upset. You can get three to five,

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you can get ten to fifteen.
You mean it depends on your sentence?

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No, no, and that what
determines my sensence. It all depends on

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the move. Okay, what gives
me a fifteen to thirty? Oh when

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all women are no whole bar,
no holes bar, So I give you

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fifteen to thirty, no spot,
so I yeah, it's a noble spot.

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Can I get continuing thirty? No, you can't say that. What

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because you're saying that, it makes
it like yeah, yeah, you can't

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even be like, oh, yeah, that's wrong. I'm gona got the

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chance thirty. Like, you don't
put that pressure on me. Don't do

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that, so me like just go
let it, let it happen, and

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it happened you like, I don't
like it. Just got my thirty and

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twenty. But nigga, we got
to talk about that. Fifteen twenty,

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twenty thirty whatever. You know what, you gonna drink your forty, all

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right? So clearly eat girls.
They now has um big hype dreams,

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my expectations. I don't think I'm
in my forties. My moneys say I'll

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make my forties. Did you just
make a face? I was at something.

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My knee is said. But you
know, my mind, and I

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think everybody is. My mind is
telling me. You know anyway, I

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got you all right. I don't
know. We're gonna have to put some

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things to the test. We're gonna
have to practice the safe work. I'm

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just excited to practice the safe word. Was the safe word work? Safe

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word one? Safe word one.
We're gonna have a no holes bar fifteen

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to thirty safe word one time of
night, and we're gonna come back and

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tell the people what are doing the
voice at the fourties? You wait,

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I don't know if you're not ready, I don't know about that. That's

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a little bit so I don't know
how how does this conversation. Go,

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We're not having a conversation. You're
just gonna go with what you said.

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I can't, I adn't gonna put
this. I don't there what exactly,

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I don't know. I don't much
from this position to position expectations part two.

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So this will happen after we stop
ruling. Oh, okay, take

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hopefully your teams are thirty eeky any
who he guys, tell us what you

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think. I don't. Maybe we
each out with that survey. So yeah,

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to let us know all the people, the adults, the grown folks,

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let us know what to do after
forty and I don't want to see

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nothing y'all young inns tagging in talking
about all you whack and all you were

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supposed to be able to do this
and all and the gymheads. I don't

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know if I'm want y'all need.
I want the regular folks, the regular

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people, the ninety five workers who
don't go to the gym every day,

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who are just regular old folks that
are not like yeah, he Man and

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Shira, I don't want to from
he Man and she wrote human and she

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wrote would even make a difference.
I'm just saying, okay, I don't

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know. I'm healthy. I say
that, Jim, I could hear you.

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I don't ain't met no mindy wants
that I was up anymore. I

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don't know. I'm down to thirty
minutes. Two minutes, I don't know.

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Two minutes. Hey, people,
a happy meal. That's what I

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need in my voice. You're gonna
get you a happy meal. Okay.

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On that note, I'm gonna keep
looking at mic al for it. What's

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you wanna do. I'm gonna keep
him up on that Jim's and Talmics website,

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ny dot com and all the socials
Jim was talking to the podcast.

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Hey, it's up, guys.
Later