S2E3 - Sexpectations after Forty

0:05 What a guy you and it's your board and we're back with another episode of Gins and Tonic. Today's episode we are talking about expectations after forty forty, forty, forty ninety nties. Okay, so talking about today's tonic. Third, today's tonic is fourties. It is gin wrong, my good tequila, blue carouse out and strawberry, the need um the strawberry, the need to sneak it all in there so you don't get here for the kind of get that you drinking something horrid. All right, So it's hall of forties.

0:48 What a forty? You know what you expect? All right, So let's talk about it after forty what are we really looking for? Fuck up in our sex to EIDs. I don't want to think after forty you should have you should lose all your inhibitions. So whatever goes, I mean anything goes, not whatever goes, anything goes at the forty that does not happen. I didn't say it happens because the expectations should be like, all right, well you know I tried this, I did that. I'm comporable with this. I'm not comporable with that. So by forty you should know Okay, this is what it is. Okay, so you should know your menu.

1:30 Yes, you should know what you're like, what you don't like. You go to move right the move that don't work for you. But that's not necessarily Oh yeah, in inbitions going out the door. Yeah, that's because you you know't worked out like Okay, I know what I'm good at them when I'm not good at So I shouldn't have any inhibitions about having the sex. If i'm if I'm explaining like crazy, here's why I'm with mine, figure out where you're with yours. We'll meet in the middle, all right, one of us a one night stand, because you know, not everybody's moved up in there for us. So what if it's the one night stand? You're not having that conversation. Here's where I had my mind where you go at the jewels. That's what we're gonna do. It's just h let's show up, see what happens. Fire works, No fire works. Put my head behind her, laid behind my head, my head behind side that.

2:23 Okay, I don't know where you were going. I put your head but on but so dangerous after four years dangerous. You gotta don't say no, your limitations, you can't he like, that's you guys's nor spin boying know your limitations. But I think even if well, I don't like if I guess if you have them one night stands at forty, there should be no expectation, like if I'm going in to have a one night stand, everything should be on the table, every ever, everything, every yever, everything, I've got a limitation. I was like, if I'm not don't want nd stands, it's like, okay, I'm just gonna leave here missionary and let you do what you do. I should expect that, Okay, this is gonna be wild for the night. Really, why wouldn't you Why would you suppose you want missionary type of person? That's what it is.

3:17 Why do you have a one lefe stands and from missionary? And I couldn't get to something and you hit right now and I gotta get shot out into scratch, so you well, then you should tag somebody else said was it? Because if you're tagging me in, I'm trying to do rooms for chandeliers and everything. So back back, anybody relaxed, I'm talking about em and in a perfect order, can't say right now we just said nobody a limitation. You can't swing from nobody. Chando here, I don't even want back to swee for machandelier? Would you need my arms? Yeah? Yeah, Look hold on, I see a lot them back action. Can I see a lot of Actually that's just just just the movements that I'll showing that.

4:04 That's the chandelier swinging. So I gotta ket show you that motion. But I'm old. Hold on right head. We got that at time, so you could lift some stuff too. Now you can carry what you shot now when I lived in nothing is that I don't? Can't somebody else still lifted? Can't you lift for leg? For like? Can't can you lift for old? Why can't we still do one of those numbers? Just jump up? R that was now? Didn't not be the next month? I'm going all right, I'm good, thank you, But you go back. If you know it's that, that's that you know, what's her day, that's what she likes. She likes to lift up at that. You're going back.

4:49 You said it was a one night stam. How you going? I don't know what you want back? Make up your mind? Who's gonna be a number one night saying we got start out as a one night stand. But I think that if it's a one night stand, there again, there should be no expectation. I should be able to be like, Okay, I'm gonna try this. I'm gonna try that. You should be willing to try to if you're adventurous enough to do the one night stand. Sometimes just fall into a one night stand because you've had a fourties and that fourties slap bart. Listen, if you knew that the fourties was gonna make you go and tease somebody else and get you into a situation which you can't handle.

5:36 Should that trump responsible? You're responsible and not responsible might not be the same thing one resent, but again, you don't put yourself in a position where you're having like a one night stand and you you have okay or listen, So here's my limitations. Safe word and we're gonna use that and then as soon as everything starting, okay, here's a safe word, like what like, we didn't even do nothing yet. Safe words are good. No, no, safe words are good. Straight words are great. But the problem is, let's just take I don't let's just safe word. I don't have a safe word like it's nothing safe. It's whatever goes, and I'm gonna cry, and then the hope that it stops shook, the pain stop seeing.

6:28 It's just gonna fuck up a stout man unintended. All right, So we talk about that night stance. But it is your expectation different after forty if you're single and dating versus if you're in a long term relationship, versus if you are married. So there's three different scenarios. Are you expectations over forty different in those three situations? I don't think they should be. I think again, at that point, you should have your sexpectations. So I expect this and I expect that. So if I'm not willing to give and and bendaloo, then I shouldn't be partaking in the activities. Which way are you gonna be? Will trip? We want backing her? So what if somebody wants you to bed back way and your back is saying no way?

7:38 What happens? Saved work? Safe word work? You say you don't have to save work. I made my point, so I disagree. I believe that is definitely different in your forties, whether you're in a relationship or long term relationship and marriage I think are about the same when it comes to expectations. If you're not a relationship and you're going out there, I still think you're trying to bring a little level of excitement. You're still trying to impress somebody. You might be trying to bag it up, so you're trying to bring your a game, Whereas in a relationship, I expect now on certain nights, I'm only gonna get but my mines, I don't expect that.

8:28 If I'm meeting you and we could get out whatever that I'm getting five minutes, you better come with it, because if you give me five minutes, you'll never see anything. Was the whole point. It was when I say anyways, and I got mom, so I got mine and got one, and you can't and you can't guarantee there. It's like you're going in with an expectation like, oh, I'm got to tear this up. Then all sudden things change. She might have that waterfall and be like oh my god and lose it. H oh. She means you'd be like, okay, like I don't even know why I'm here, and she's like, you know what, Yeah, it was good for me, but I don't I don't think you no, no, no, I did. I have my own mind. Can I help you out with drugs? You know? So you can't. You can't say that you're gonna go there and give one hundred percent.

9:33 You want to give one hundred Wait a minute, somebody said I'm gonna give hundred No, no, no, you gotta give one hundredercent to give to the end. That's why I so regardless of one hundred percent in this situation is different than one hundred scent and finishing one hundred scent. Like all right, I'm gonna I'm gonna do this. Here's the scene over here, man, I'm gonna I'm gonna lead out this way boom. Then I'll get over here after I do this, then I'll go over here. I ain't gonna put over there in your mind, that's what's going on when reality is oh my, oh my, oh oh, this is oh god, I'm sorry. This is not what happens to me. And yes, yeah, I just say I'm sorry. I didn't say I'm sorry. I laughed at it like that wasn't supposed to happen. Maybe next time, you know, I have to truckle live and like h I don't believe that just happened.

10:28 But what did the first one fame? They laughed because they made a joke of it, but I'm pretty sure that they would after the fact like to here, like and what's funny is like I don't talk big game, like I don't never say on ye, I'm gona tell you that because you never know what's gonna happen. You could be a good day, it could be a bad day. So I'm not gonna say they didn't put any expectation in your head, like, oh, it's about to be a full marathon. It could be a two minute please a teasers. Nay, you don't know. He just don't know, Like it could be like you could have like a girl moaning could be your your thing. It's sexual. So this girl starts moaning. He's like, oh, I'm telling this up. Meanwhile, are you're not really doing the world. But that's just her, you know, trying to help you and it helps you to the point where he's like okay, he splack. No, it wasn't my fault. She didn't know.

11:26 That was my weakness, that was my cripping life. So I have to apologize. And you're trying to make it up to you next time. Okay, within that visit fin my next time now, because after that point it's like, now you got you gotta try it too hard to make up and the anxiety will make it to what you can't make up. It's like, I want you, I really like you, but it's pressure I'm putting on myself life after forty because if there was funny sight, it was right back at trying to him like no cares, and I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm tight, tighter than the bowl, Like, you can't be serious. You better get your mind right and get back on the course.

12:13 I will. That's no, you don't be on the next time. If I ain't about a dad a set again, when I'm staying I'm good with it. What are you talking about? All of them? Oh scenarios, it's not necessarily that's dating. So if you're in a serious leadership, of course, then the next time, you know, you try to put more effort ince to It's like, all right, I knew what I did wrong the last time. As soon as she started moming throat shop, she didn't breath. You want hid and he's he's working and he's working nothing. You know, hopefully you make up for the last time, but again they catch you. Mea case no because maybe she likes to be you know, through shop can't enough. She should have hit her safe for her before I got it when she said we go like this, she should have said that safe ford safe for one. And then he's like all right, and you had to figure out something else. Oh my god. All right. So having had a moment after forty that you really really impressed yourself, like yo, like, I'm a man, I can't believe I did that. Where that come from? I don't know. We're gonna pull that out. I had to pull that out of no. No even more because now I never bound myself on her back, like like I'm aware of what's capable, what you're capable of, right, So it's like, okay, I know life can do this, but my body doesn't have to necessarily agree with Like, look,

13:46 I know what you want to do, right, Can you make a little compromise here? How about I gave you a solid two minutes and you talk a good game for about ten? Can me there? And that's it ends up happening sometimes. So when I you know what I know can happen because it's been done in before and what actually happens is like within the voice, not before the voice. You've done it within the voice, so you don't get happen, you know, like you've you've all your years, you've you've practiced to perfect it to now like I'm here now this is my moment to shots did it? You know what I mean? It's like but again after forty years, like okay, your mind and your body is having two different conversations, like, bro, I'm trying to go to sleep. What you doing. You think it's different for man that it is for woman.

14:41 Why? Uh? Because the man has to put in more of the work, and it's more of work more. Yeah, it's more of the pressure, more pressure, more work, gonna work. Why tell me? One position beside is writing that a woman does the work, you get you can stand straight, And she thought back, not just get me one any one that's you stand straight? And she thought back, you're not ane and the corn movies look down at it is okay, so she does a little extra. What for the majority you grabbing a you're moving, No, you have nothing. You just gotta concentrate, don't don't listen to the morning count to ten say yeah aw ss sets me straight, her telling me again, it's not it's not too many places where the girl is doing the most work, like the guy's doing the world and the pressure going the guy Like, okay, so you have to get wet if you are enjoying me going l you're there, You're half way, it is, that's half the battle, you're saying by wyat west and back way. Yeah. Yeah, because we ain't gonta done else. Just it has to be wet. Okay. Now,

16:14 if it's not wet, it's for sure that terms a man of baby. Um, if it's too wet, you ain't feeling nothing that may turn a man on. How do you know I'm not feeling that or my feeling like, oh it's too wet, y'all, mister, I don't know what's that. I don't chase some wonderfuls. I don't understand what's too wet asmodey chases wonderfuls. Okay, I'm just talking about in general. Okay, so it's like this is not for you. No, I'm just saying in general. I'm pretty sure that if you take a survey, you'd be like Okay, if it's too dry, too wet, it's like the three bets. You know you gonna a survey on y'all. I smell a survey coming in, So it's you getting wet. And then the interaction between you two, like if a girl is really wet and it's like, okay, she's into this.

17:11 Now you start to set yourself o oh, I gotta chien it up. And you're overthinking it and you're putting yourself in a place where it's like, okay, I'm getting way tooth cited and splash, so you don't indicated splash. Yeah, and what else you're back going out? What else You're gonna give me a lot of fails that happened in the foyees, Well, that's life. You're trying to tell me you had two foities to just full of fails when it comes to samee. Pooh, I didn't say that. I'm just saying that those are the possibilities, strong possibilities, strong possibility morning life and possibilities are just strong possibilities. What is the difference if I just put it up like nine times out of ten, eight times out of ten, I don't know. You gott no we don't want me keepers, so we don't want to do that. I should not be thinking about keepers in stats. Women don't keep sets. Were just gonna have y'all co taging on the surveys and just let us know the biggest forty fails. But yeah, all right, So I have high expectations after forty, yet still expect a good fifteen to thirty minutes. And that's fine. Don't get him in three to five. I'm gonna be upset. You can get three to five, you can get ten to fifteen. You mean it depends on your sentence?

18:41 No, no, and that what determines my sensence. It all depends on the move. Okay, what gives me a fifteen to thirty? Oh when all women are no whole bar, no holes bar, So I give you fifteen to thirty, no spot, so I yeah, it's a noble spot. Can I get continuing thirty? No, you can't say that. What because you're saying that, it makes it like yeah, yeah, you can't even be like, oh, yeah, that's wrong. I'm gona got the chance thirty. Like, you don't put that pressure on me. Don't do that, so me like just go let it, let it happen, and it happened you like, I don't like it. Just got my thirty and twenty. But nigga, we got to talk about that. Fifteen twenty, twenty thirty whatever. You know what, you gonna drink your forty, all right? So clearly eat girls. They now has um big hype dreams, my expectations. I don't think I'm in my forties. My moneys say I'll make my forties. Did you just make a face? I was at something.

20:03 My knee is said. But you know, my mind, and I think everybody is. My mind is telling me. You know anyway, I got you all right. I don't know. We're gonna have to put some things to the test. We're gonna have to practice the safe work. I'm just excited to practice the safe word. Was the safe word work? Safe word one? Safe word one. We're gonna have a no holes bar fifteen to thirty safe word one time of night, and we're gonna come back and tell the people what are doing the voice at the fourties? You wait, I don't know if you're not ready, I don't know about that. That's a little bit so I don't know how how does this conversation. Go, We're not having a conversation. You're just gonna go with what you said.

20:57 I can't, I adn't gonna put this. I don't there what exactly, I don't know. I don't much from this position to position expectations part two. So this will happen after we stop ruling. Oh, okay, take hopefully your teams are thirty eeky any who he guys, tell us what you think. I don't. Maybe we each out with that survey. So yeah, to let us know all the people, the adults, the grown folks, let us know what to do after forty and I don't want to see nothing y'all young inns tagging in talking about all you whack and all you were supposed to be able to do this and all and the gymheads. I don't know if I'm want y'all need. I want the regular folks, the regular people, the ninety five workers who don't go to the gym every day, who are just regular old folks that are not like yeah, he Man and Shira, I don't want to from he Man and she wrote human and she wrote would even make a difference. I'm just saying, okay, I don't know. I'm healthy. I say that, Jim, I could hear you.

22:10 I don't ain't met no mindy wants that I was up anymore. I don't know. I'm down to thirty minutes. Two minutes, I don't know. Two minutes. Hey, people, a happy meal. That's what I need in my voice. You're gonna get you a happy meal. Okay. On that note, I'm gonna keep looking at mic al for it. What's you wanna do. I'm gonna keep him up on that Jim's and Talmics website, ny dot com and all the socials Jim was talking to the podcast. Hey, it's up, guys. Later