S3E10 - Feeling Committed

0:01 What up, guys, it's your girl, Lady Stinger, and we are back with this season's final episode. I'm a little sad were wrapping up the season, So then do another one? Oh you think that people want another one? I don't know. All right, So in this episode, we're gonna talk about a few things that'll possibly, you know, tie everything together that we've discussed during the entire season. I'm gonna give it the broadband. Is love a commitment or a feeling? And then we can touch on all the little things that play into that, like, you know, things one does in a relationship and how that affects the other and different things like that, keeping the sparks going, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

0:56 So let's start out with it. It's love a commitment or a feeling. And don't give me the easy answer of both, because I feel like that's what you're going to do. I don't know why you feel that. I'm definitely not going to give you this both. Okay, So what is it for you? What is the option? Is it a commitment or a feeling? It's a feeling. It's a feeling. Love is a feeling, Like you can be committed to a lot of things, okay, and not love it. So m but it would be great if you love what you're committed to, who you're committed to, it's a bonus, like I'm not.

1:45 I'm not just saying it's like a who because it's like, let's say you committed to your job, like I'm committed to go on every day. You hope you love your job. You would hope so, but not. Everybody loves their job, but they go they're committed to it, but the next best thing for the next best your committee higher paying. You're committed to it until you have to move on from it. You don't. You don't just like, all right, well I'm not gonna do this job because I'm looking for something else, because you'll be fired by the time you find something else. So that's not true. How is that not true? People quit jobs every day without knowing what the next thing is going to be because they're not in love with it. No, I just say, if you're not committed to it, like if you if you don't do the job, if you're not committed to doing the job, you will get fired. People will see that you're not committed to it. You will get fired. That happens in a relationship too. If I see that you're not committed to me, I'm going to fire you. Yeah, well, well why are you? Why are you seeing? So it's just that commitment if you don't see the commitment.

2:49 But what if you feel a love? How am I gonna feel a love without feeling the commitment and seeing the commitment? How so you so you don't think that a person like if I know everything that you like and everything that makes you happy, and and I show you those things and do those things for you on a regular basis, on a daily basis, you know daily, It could be daily, it could be weekly, monthly. You're committed to showing me these things? No, I'm not sure. I'm showing you because I know these are the things you like. They don't have to be committed to it, because it's not like I'm on a schedule like, Okay, I gotta do this every week. You're committed to making me happy?

3:37 No, I'm not committed to make you happy. I'm enjoying being around you. So we're doing these things. I know what you like. Just because I know what you like doesn't mean that I'm committed what if I can't afford the things that you like? How can I be committed to that? What? That's not where we're at. Yeah, it is because you like traveling. If I can't afford that, how can I commit myself to make to take you traveling everywhere? You make my backyard a different location every day, and I go traveling because you're committed to making me happy, you would do something like that. No, I'm just saying no because it's not gonna fly, because that at first it's gonna see him cute, but then it's gonna be like this need brope won't take me anywhere, Like he didn't want to be outside with me. He thinks they're showing me this little backyard slide is Disneyland. No, it becomes it becomes old very fast. All right, So let's go with what you say. Love is a feeling. Does that feeling go away? It can, it can't go away. And when it goes away is the relationship over? I don't know. I I guess it would depend on the per So, like, if does a person need love to be in a relationship? What does a person need love to be

5:08 in a relationship? What do you mean can I be in a relationship with a person if I don't love them. Is that is that a possibility? You can be in a business relationship, ship. You can be in a relationship with a person if you don't love them. So we're talking about boyfriend, girlfriend, husband wife, yance whatever, whatever. Let's go with husband wife. Let's go to husband wife and they they fall out of love, you think they're just gonna walk away from the marriage. No, Now we're talking about being in love and loving, right, that's two different things. Like you said, but I don't love you anymore? Do I stay in the marriage? No? What were you asking? You asked if you said a feeling or a commitment? Right? His feeling? I said, it's a feeling. Correct. Now, if you're in a marriage and you don't feel loved anymore, do you stay? No? Why not? Why?

6:14 Because you got married? So now you why'd you get married? Sounds like a commitment to me? That made a commitment. You made a commitment, but that marriage was the commitment. Now, you didn't get married necessarily because it was there was love. It could have been you thought like, how many times have people got married because they had like a baby and it was forced you know, like in order to do something like if if if the person got pregnant by mistake, they had to get married, so they it wasn't necessarily a love commitment. It was just like, all right, it's a necessity. Like, but that's not what we're talking about. You said it. For you, love is a feeling, all right, now we're talking about husband and wife. If that feeling is gone, is the relationship when you're married and you're you're in and you're in that marriage, because that feeling is gone, you leave the marriage, right, That's what I'm asking.

7:21 I'm telling you that, and I'm saying, yes, but why why would you leave? Like why would you stay? Because you're in that committed relationship. So I should choose a committed relationship over love. How many people you think are married they have the stay in love the whole time, and it's not possible to fall out of love or to even lose love. I'm not saying we got to be in love. But if I don't love you, like if I look at you and I want to bust your head open every time I look at you, and I have no love for you, Like no love leads to no care, no concern, no nothing. Why would I stay there? Why because you've committed to that relationship, that marriage.

8:13 So you are saying, yes, love is a feeling and even in a marriage without love, you are going to stay because of You can stay here because of some mement but you don't need like people don't don't get divorced when they fall out of love. They stick around because like you know what, I'm married, so I can't get divorced, like my beliefs are that I can't. Okay, well that's not what we're talking about. We are straight up defining love. So you and I, if there's no love, because love is a feeling and it is fleeting in your opinion, do you stay or do you go? Oh? I go? There's no no two ways body, I go it don't It ain't no Like I'm not committed to just being around. Just to be around. It has to be something there, and what's the something? It has to be loved there. The feeling has to be there. Okay, all right, now with all that said, how do you keep that feeling? How do you keep the sparks?

9:33 How do you keep you know, their little butterfly every now and again because you know there's not gonna be butterflies every day. It's not always going to be peaches and cream. What do you do in a long term relationship to keep it, you know, exciting entertaining? Did you see besides talking to my cat, which we've you know, talked about a few episodes go because you know, she got a great conversation and she talk a lot lot. Why are you looking away? Why are you like? How does it even get to that? I'm just saying, you don't you don't like the many conversations with me and her and us because you know you don't need nobody else.

10:26 Come on, come on, tell me, tell me what you do. You tell yourself, what you do, what you need? I need to figure out my life. I was saying, I keep you entertained at the very least. I won't even say that what you call it? What do you call it? That is not entertaining? That like as finest I'm a fucker specialist, clearly, all right, So seriousness, what do you do? I don't know. I can't get past the fuckery. What do you do with what you're trying? Of thought? It's really that shot to keep the sparks in your relationship. What are the things that you do as you know, a seasoned gentlemen, been around block or two in the neighborhood.

11:31 Okay, but anyway you've been in the neighborhood, Like, what do you do? Keep sparks a lot? Yes, what do you do? I mean, because you got to keep that feeling of love or else you're out. So what do you do? I don't know if it's necessarily things that you have to do to keep that feeling, Like you'll have that feeling if it's with the person that you originally had it for, Like, I don't. I don't need to do anything for that feeling to stay. That makes absolutely no sense. How does if that be the case, you would never have you would never break up with the first person you felt love for.

12:13 No, because you said, we do we already established that. If there's no love, then you leave. But you don't have to have But it doesn't it doesn't stay or go because of things you do. Yeah, you have to work on it. You can't just expect it to just remain the same. No, you feel you feel that for that person because of that person, the way that person is, the way that person acts, the way the person does whatever they do for you. It doesn't have to and it doesn't have to be physical things. It could be just them being around you, them realizing that you don't want to talk, but they'll just sit by and not talk. You don't have to do anything that is doing something, that's you shutting up and not talking, because you know the person that you're with that's not doing no, that's doing nothing, Like you don't have to you're not I'm sorry, that is doing something. Do you not realize who you're with? The person that you said just talks too much, so I would have to physically hush my mouth to make sure that I can shut up. Yeah, when you're sleeping, and even then you're still snoring, so still there's still there's still noise. But in order to like, you don't have to just the white noise that puts them to sleep. Guys, you know that does not So you don't have to do anything or make

13:48 an effort. If that person is your person, if that person is comforting to you, they don't They don't have to go out and love and beyond it. If if it's just a natural course of action, you can you can still keep that love you don't have to go above and beyond, but I gotta do something every time. I gotta I gotta bring in favorite chips or nah, just be if you can't just be in that person and be in that person and you feel that way about that person, and you know, like, why do I gotta go out of my way to be like, uh so this is what this person? You know? They like you gotta Yes, you have to work as far as like you have to put effort in, but it doesn't you know, the love doesn't necessarily have to doesn't have to be contingent on the effort, right, it doesn't have to be contingent on the effort. The love will be there if that. Let me call you on this BS that you're talking right, So I love you and I don't give you any checks for I don't know what's a good what's a good amount of time? Two years? No cat for two years, no effort, no effort at all to run you nothing. The love states, Yeah, you don't feel away, You don't feel away, like why

15:20 ask for the cat and you say no all that? Oh see that's a different thing now now it's it's it's if if you're denying something where I'm asking. Like, if I'm not asking for anything and you don't and you're not, you're not taking away anything, then you know you have this mutual feeling for each other, then that love will stay if you don't. Now if I'm asking, if I say, hey, I'm trying to get some and you're like nah, you like, hey, I'm trying to get something, like nah, that's the different thing is like, because I need that thing. If I don't need that thing, then that love can be there without the extra Or I need a cat I need, I need I need her to you know, to go out and bring back my favorite soup, or you know, do anything other than just be okay. So that brings me to another point that we should cover, which is you have to love someone the way they need to be loved, not in a way that's comfortable for you. Do you agree with that? No, what you just said, everything you just said just pointed to that fact because you said, if it's something you need and you're not getting it, then it's a problem that away.

16:49 If there's a need, right, I'm sure, and I'm telling you about that need right, then there's an issue. Right. So somebody may need to be shown love in a particular type of way physical touch, sex, sensuality, things like that. And if you're not providing that, then the feeling of love goes away wrong or right if you're denying it. Yes, right, So you have to love someone the way they need to be loved, not the way that's comfortable for you. You're not an affectionate person. You want to be by yourself and I'm just saying you they you know, want a person in general, right, not affectionate is typically a loner, needs a loone time for the most part, and you know, likes to be off doing their own thing for most of the time. You're with someone who is the opposite of you, who wants to be touched to, wants to be up under you. One may say, you may find that person clinging because that's the opposite of you, but that's where that person needs.

17:55 Now that might just not be a good match altogether. But but you can't have been in that. You shouldn't have been in that position to begin with, right, But let's say you can the spectrum. Let's say were not opposite, but you're closer to, you know, the loner side, and your person is that you're with that you chose to be with is more so on closer to the clinging side, not total extremes. But you know, you at a seventy and she at a thirty five. Nobody's at one, nobody's at one hundred. Do you provide her with the things that she needs to feel loved or do you just say if the love is there, the love is dere and no effort is needed, it's she's gonna be there.

18:45 I'm gonna be at seventy five over here on this end of the scale, and she's gonna be at thirty five over there on that end of the scale, and we're gonna be just fine. And think that that actually is gonna work. No, I don't. I don't think it would it can actually work because there's there's too much of a disparity between. If it was, if it was closer, then something like that can work. But you can't. You can't be the person that like I can't provide you with what I don't have. If I don't have your love language, I can't give it to you. You see why can't you learn? Why can't you learn my love language? I can learn it all I want you but what if I don't speak it fluently? Like it don't matter. If I learned it, then I like I can't maybe I can't get it right. That's where the effort comes in. You learned it, you took that, you took the time to learn it. But I'm doing it wrong the whole time.

19:47 So it's okay. I'm not saying it's okay, but let's bring us into it. You you are not a cuddly person. I throw my leg on you, I thought arm up under you. I do all kinds of stuff to fall asleep, and you allow it. Right, So did you not learn to love me the way I needed to be loved? No? No, don't allow you to be in my presence, And you're welcome for that. What I just but you can easily fling off a leg and fling off a hand and be like, yeah, nah, I can't. But the reality is that it doesn't last long. What doesn't last long, the hand or the leg, it doesn't last long. So yeah, I can put up with it for the little two three minutes or whatever. It's not like it's gonna be a forever thing. It doesn't last all that long, So yeah, you can put up with it, so you it's not something you have to like, I don't have to go out my way to let you put your leg on me. But if it was something else that was like I gotta like I have there's no effort for me to lay here and let you put your leg on me. But it makes you happy, fine, Like what does it cost me? It costs me nothing. But if it's something that I can't give, so, like you, you won't roll over

21:17 and put your leg on me and hug me up because that's not you, right, Like, so if if it's not like comfortable for me, it's like, all right, I don't want to, you know, like I'm gonna put my leg on her, and because that's what she wants me to do. If that's not what I do, then that's not what I do. And unfortunately, you're gonna get the consequence of me not being able to do that. Like I'm I just I'm not that person. But you gotta make that choice, like can I accept this? And then once you accept that, y'all becoming in a space where it's like I don't have to do anything to show you I love you, because you're gonna roll over you're gonna get your little two three minutes of late time, and I may touch you at them in the middle of night by mistake, and you'd be like, hey, he loves me. You accept it. You take it in for what it is, like you know, like, wow, he really loves me because he touching me. And you know I could it could have been, like you just have to take your little wins. What if you started out hugging me and so and so forth in the beginning of the relationship and now you don't do it no more than what well, see, that's what you gotta be your soul from jump like you can't send your representatives like hey, you know like I like to cuddle and you did You did that, I did what you did that? You were damn live me like that.

22:51 You didn't hug me up in the beginning. No, you will hug me up all night unless I moved. If I moved, then it was over. No. I told you, I told I told you, and listen, I am not a cuddle up. I said, so, if you're going to cuddle with me, don't move, get in can't stay stay right and don't make it like hey, can I get in there? So I said, if this is what you want to do, fine, I can make that accommodation. I can make that accommodation for you. But I told you I am not that person. So just because I allowed it, here we go with this. I allowed it, I did. I allowed you, Like, all right, you hugging me up is not allowing something.

23:37 You made an effort to hug me up. Well, what did you talk about? What hugging up? And this is hugging up. I'm demonstrating, guys, this is hugging up. You made a conscious effort to do that, to put my arm around you, and that was hugging you up. That's hugging me up. Well, and that's what you thought I was doing. And go me because like that is not hugging up. Oh my gosh, I put my arm over you from hugging you up. That makes I mean, okay, yes, that's what I did. You're gonna they gonna the people are gonna start to dislike you. They're gonna feel like, oh my god, you're not treating my girl's stinger right. They're gonna be like sting what you're doing. And if you can had an answer, if you want, you and you'll find yourself run up on a stump? Run up on a stump? What does that mean? When the boat runs up on a stump? Was it stuck? Exactly? Yo? He talking big ship?

24:37 Guys? Anybody talking big ship? I'll just tell you what it is. So am I your person? Because I can just be No, no, no, you have yet to find your person. You're getting carried away. Don't start reaching. That's what I told you, guys. Do y'all hear this hotness? I said, If it is, then let it be. Don't sit there and try to make a big deal out of it and trying to reach you. You don't want to follow the rules. This is why your ass is gonna end up on a stump. So I advise you, this is how you want to end the season. You, this is the image you want to leave our listeners with. Run up on a stump.

25:26 Don't reach a loveless relationship. I want you to be sweet. I want I want you to tell the people how you really treat me. I want you to tell people. I want you. I want you to tell the people that you love me. You know, good will? I ain't I don't talk like that. Don't like I ain't nobody. Oh my god, you're gonna they're gonna think I'm in an abusive relationship. They think what they want to and if you are, and they're gonna say, this is why I'm throwing darts at your head. This is the psycho love. Nah, so good, we all get over here, right see there, you go reach it for if you don't confirm, so we can wrap this up.

26:22 I cannot confirm nor deny. How about that. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. You'll figure it out. I am going to confirm that this is our last episode of the season. I can confirm that and we'll be back. I can confirm that, and we're gonna keep living life and left head I thought you so I can confirm. All right, guys, it's been real. We've had a blast. That's always. Make sure you follow us on TikTok and the Instagram, all the socials, because of course we'll drop videos Instagram. It's Instagram. It ain't the Bronx. I'm so confused. Oh okay, I said it ain't the Bronx.

27:11 It's just an excuse me, my bad Bronx people. Is he coming for y'all? Too. I don't know. You know, he's from Brooklyn. He'd be a little shady. But anyway, we're gonna keep living life and laughing at it, as he loves to say. Letter