S3E10 - Feeling Committed

WEBVTT

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What up, guys, it's your
girl, Lady Stinger, and we are

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back with this season's final episode.
I'm a little sad were wrapping up the

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season, So then do another one? Oh you think that people want another

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one? I don't know. All
right, So in this episode, we're

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gonna talk about a few things that'll
possibly, you know, tie everything together

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that we've discussed during the entire season. I'm gonna give it the broadband.

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Is love a commitment or a feeling? And then we can touch on all

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the little things that play into that, like, you know, things one

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does in a relationship and how that
affects the other and different things like that,

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keeping the sparks going, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

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So let's start out with it.
It's love a commitment or a feeling.

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And don't give me the easy answer
of both, because I feel like that's

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what you're going to do. I
don't know why you feel that. I'm

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definitely not going to give you this
both. Okay, So what is it

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for you? What is the option? Is it a commitment or a feeling?

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It's a feeling. It's a feeling. Love is a feeling, Like

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you can be committed to a lot
of things, okay, and not love

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it. So m but it would
be great if you love what you're committed

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to, who you're committed to,
it's a bonus, like I'm not.

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I'm not just saying it's like a
who because it's like, let's say you

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committed to your job, like I'm
committed to go on every day. You

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hope you love your job. You
would hope so, but not. Everybody

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loves their job, but they go
they're committed to it, but the next

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best thing for the next best your
committee higher paying. You're committed to it

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until you have to move on from
it. You don't. You don't just

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like, all right, well I'm
not gonna do this job because I'm looking

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for something else, because you'll be
fired by the time you find something else.

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So that's not true. How is
that not true? People quit jobs

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every day without knowing what the next
thing is going to be because they're not

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in love with it. No,
I just say, if you're not committed

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to it, like if you if
you don't do the job, if you're

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not committed to doing the job,
you will get fired. People will see

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that you're not committed to it.
You will get fired. That happens in

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a relationship too. If I see
that you're not committed to me, I'm

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going to fire you. Yeah,
well, well why are you? Why

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are you seeing? So it's just
that commitment if you don't see the commitment.

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But what if you feel a love? How am I gonna feel a

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love without feeling the commitment and seeing
the commitment? How so you so you

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don't think that a person like if
I know everything that you like and everything

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that makes you happy, and and
I show you those things and do those

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things for you on a regular basis, on a daily basis, you know

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daily, It could be daily,
it could be weekly, monthly. You're

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committed to showing me these things?
No, I'm not sure. I'm showing

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you because I know these are the
things you like. They don't have to

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be committed to it, because it's
not like I'm on a schedule like,

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Okay, I gotta do this every
week. You're committed to making me happy?

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No, I'm not committed to make
you happy. I'm enjoying being around

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you. So we're doing these things. I know what you like. Just

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because I know what you like doesn't
mean that I'm committed what if I can't

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afford the things that you like?
How can I be committed to that?

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What? That's not where we're at. Yeah, it is because you like

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traveling. If I can't afford that, how can I commit myself to make

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to take you traveling everywhere? You
make my backyard a different location every day,

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and I go traveling because you're committed
to making me happy, you would

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do something like that. No,
I'm just saying no because it's not gonna

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fly, because that at first it's
gonna see him cute, but then it's

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gonna be like this need brope won't
take me anywhere, Like he didn't want

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to be outside with me. He
thinks they're showing me this little backyard slide

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is Disneyland. No, it becomes
it becomes old very fast. All right,

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So let's go with what you say. Love is a feeling. Does

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that feeling go away? It can, it can't go away. And when

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it goes away is the relationship over? I don't know. I I guess

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it would depend on the per So, like, if does a person need

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love to be in a relationship?
What does a person need love to be

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in a relationship? What do you
mean can I be in a relationship with

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a person if I don't love them. Is that is that a possibility?

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You can be in a business relationship, ship. You can be in a

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relationship with a person if you don't
love them. So we're talking about boyfriend,

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girlfriend, husband wife, yance whatever, whatever. Let's go with husband

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wife. Let's go to husband wife
and they they fall out of love,

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you think they're just gonna walk away
from the marriage. No, Now we're

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talking about being in love and loving, right, that's two different things.

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Like you said, but I don't
love you anymore? Do I stay in

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the marriage? No? What were
you asking? You asked if you said

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a feeling or a commitment? Right? His feeling? I said, it's

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a feeling. Correct. Now,
if you're in a marriage and you don't

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feel loved anymore, do you stay? No? Why not? Why?

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Because you got married? So now
you why'd you get married? Sounds like

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a commitment to me? That made
a commitment. You made a commitment,

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but that marriage was the commitment.
Now, you didn't get married necessarily because

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it was there was love. It
could have been you thought like, how

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many times have people got married because
they had like a baby and it was

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forced you know, like in order
to do something like if if if the

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person got pregnant by mistake, they
had to get married, so they it

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wasn't necessarily a love commitment. It
was just like, all right, it's

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a necessity. Like, but that's
not what we're talking about. You said

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it. For you, love is
a feeling, all right, now we're

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talking about husband and wife. If
that feeling is gone, is the relationship

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when you're married and you're you're in
and you're in that marriage, because that

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feeling is gone, you leave the
marriage, right, That's what I'm asking.

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I'm telling you that, and I'm
saying, yes, but why why

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would you leave? Like why would
you stay? Because you're in that committed

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relationship. So I should choose a
committed relationship over love. How many people

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you think are married they have the
stay in love the whole time, and

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it's not possible to fall out of
love or to even lose love. I'm

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not saying we got to be in
love. But if I don't love you,

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like if I look at you and
I want to bust your head open

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every time I look at you,
and I have no love for you,

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Like no love leads to no care, no concern, no nothing. Why

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would I stay there? Why because
you've committed to that relationship, that marriage.

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So you are saying, yes,
love is a feeling and even in

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a marriage without love, you are
going to stay because of You can stay

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here because of some mement but you
don't need like people don't don't get divorced

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when they fall out of love.
They stick around because like you know what,

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I'm married, so I can't get
divorced, like my beliefs are that

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I can't. Okay, well that's
not what we're talking about. We are

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straight up defining love. So you
and I, if there's no love,

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because love is a feeling and it
is fleeting in your opinion, do you

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stay or do you go? Oh? I go? There's no no two

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ways body, I go it don't
It ain't no Like I'm not committed to

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just being around. Just to be
around. It has to be something there,

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and what's the something? It has
to be loved there. The feeling

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has to be there. Okay,
all right, now with all that said,

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how do you keep that feeling?
How do you keep the sparks?

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How do you keep you know,
their little butterfly every now and again because

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you know there's not gonna be butterflies
every day. It's not always going to

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be peaches and cream. What do
you do in a long term relationship to

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keep it, you know, exciting
entertaining? Did you see besides talking to

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my cat, which we've you know, talked about a few episodes go because

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you know, she got a great
conversation and she talk a lot lot.

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Why are you looking away? Why
are you like? How does it even

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get to that? I'm just saying, you don't you don't like the many

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conversations with me and her and us
because you know you don't need nobody else.

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Come on, come on, tell
me, tell me what you do.

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You tell yourself, what you do, what you need? I need

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to figure out my life. I
was saying, I keep you entertained at

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the very least. I won't even
say that what you call it? What

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do you call it? That is
not entertaining? That like as finest I'm

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a fucker specialist, clearly, all
right, So seriousness, what do you

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do? I don't know. I
can't get past the fuckery. What do

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you do with what you're trying?
Of thought? It's really that shot to

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keep the sparks in your relationship.
What are the things that you do as

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you know, a seasoned gentlemen,
been around block or two in the neighborhood.

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Okay, but anyway you've been in
the neighborhood, Like, what do

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you do? Keep sparks a lot? Yes, what do you do?

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I mean, because you got to
keep that feeling of love or else you're

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out. So what do you do? I don't know if it's necessarily things

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that you have to do to keep
that feeling, Like you'll have that feeling

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if it's with the person that you
originally had it for, Like, I

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don't. I don't need to do
anything for that feeling to stay. That

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makes absolutely no sense. How does
if that be the case, you would

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never have you would never break up
with the first person you felt love for.

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No, because you said, we
do we already established that. If

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there's no love, then you leave. But you don't have to have But

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it doesn't it doesn't stay or go
because of things you do. Yeah,

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you have to work on it.
You can't just expect it to just remain

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the same. No, you feel
you feel that for that person because of

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that person, the way that person
is, the way that person acts,

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the way the person does whatever they
do for you. It doesn't have to

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and it doesn't have to be physical
things. It could be just them being

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around you, them realizing that you
don't want to talk, but they'll just

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sit by and not talk. You
don't have to do anything that is doing

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something, that's you shutting up and
not talking, because you know the person

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that you're with that's not doing no, that's doing nothing, Like you don't

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have to you're not I'm sorry,
that is doing something. Do you not

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realize who you're with? The person
that you said just talks too much,

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so I would have to physically hush
my mouth to make sure that I can

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shut up. Yeah, when you're
sleeping, and even then you're still snoring,

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so still there's still there's still noise. But in order to like,

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you don't have to just the white
noise that puts them to sleep. Guys,

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you know that does not So you
don't have to do anything or make

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an effort. If that person is
your person, if that person is comforting

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to you, they don't They don't
have to go out and love and beyond

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it. If if it's just a
natural course of action, you can you

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can still keep that love you don't
have to go above and beyond, but

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I gotta do something every time.
I gotta I gotta bring in favorite chips

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or nah, just be if you
can't just be in that person and be

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in that person and you feel that
way about that person, and you know,

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like, why do I gotta go
out of my way to be like,

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uh so this is what this person? You know? They like you

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gotta Yes, you have to work
as far as like you have to put

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effort in, but it doesn't you
know, the love doesn't necessarily have to

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doesn't have to be contingent on the
effort, right, it doesn't have to

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be contingent on the effort. The
love will be there if that. Let

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me call you on this BS that
you're talking right, So I love you

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and I don't give you any checks
for I don't know what's a good what's

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a good amount of time? Two
years? No cat for two years,

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no effort, no effort at all
to run you nothing. The love states,

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Yeah, you don't feel away,
You don't feel away, like why

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ask for the cat and you say
no all that? Oh see that's a

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different thing now now it's it's it's
if if you're denying something where I'm asking.

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Like, if I'm not asking for
anything and you don't and you're not,

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you're not taking away anything, then
you know you have this mutual feeling

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for each other, then that love
will stay if you don't. Now if

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I'm asking, if I say,
hey, I'm trying to get some and

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you're like nah, you like,
hey, I'm trying to get something,

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like nah, that's the different thing
is like, because I need that thing.

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If I don't need that thing,
then that love can be there without

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the extra Or I need a cat
I need, I need I need her

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to you know, to go out
and bring back my favorite soup, or

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you know, do anything other than
just be okay. So that brings me

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to another point that we should cover, which is you have to love someone

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the way they need to be loved, not in a way that's comfortable for

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you. Do you agree with that? No, what you just said,

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everything you just said just pointed to
that fact because you said, if it's

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something you need and you're not getting
it, then it's a problem that away.

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If there's a need, right,
I'm sure, and I'm telling you

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about that need right, then there's
an issue. Right. So somebody may

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need to be shown love in a
particular type of way physical touch, sex,

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sensuality, things like that. And
if you're not providing that, then

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the feeling of love goes away wrong
or right if you're denying it. Yes,

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right, So you have to love
someone the way they need to be

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loved, not the way that's comfortable
for you. You're not an affectionate person.

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You want to be by yourself and
I'm just saying you they you know,

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want a person in general, right, not affectionate is typically a loner,

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needs a loone time for the most
part, and you know, likes

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to be off doing their own thing
for most of the time. You're with

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someone who is the opposite of you, who wants to be touched to,

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wants to be up under you.
One may say, you may find that

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person clinging because that's the opposite of
you, but that's where that person needs.

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Now that might just not be a
good match altogether. But but you

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can't have been in that. You
shouldn't have been in that position to begin

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with, right, But let's say
you can the spectrum. Let's say were

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not opposite, but you're closer to, you know, the loner side,

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and your person is that you're with
that you chose to be with is more

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so on closer to the clinging side, not total extremes. But you know,

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you at a seventy and she at
a thirty five. Nobody's at one,

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nobody's at one hundred. Do you
provide her with the things that she

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needs to feel loved or do you
just say if the love is there,

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the love is dere and no effort
is needed, it's she's gonna be there.

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I'm gonna be at seventy five over
here on this end of the scale,

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and she's gonna be at thirty five
over there on that end of the

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scale, and we're gonna be just
fine. And think that that actually is

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gonna work. No, I don't. I don't think it would it can

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actually work because there's there's too much
of a disparity between. If it was,

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if it was closer, then something
like that can work. But you

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can't. You can't be the person
that like I can't provide you with what

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I don't have. If I don't
have your love language, I can't give

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it to you. You see why
can't you learn? Why can't you learn

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my love language? I can learn
it all I want you but what if

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I don't speak it fluently? Like
it don't matter. If I learned it,

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then I like I can't maybe I
can't get it right. That's where

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the effort comes in. You learned
it, you took that, you took

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the time to learn it. But
I'm doing it wrong the whole time.

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So it's okay. I'm not saying
it's okay, but let's bring us into

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it. You you are not a
cuddly person. I throw my leg on

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you, I thought arm up under
you. I do all kinds of stuff

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to fall asleep, and you allow
it. Right, So did you not

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learn to love me the way I
needed to be loved? No? No,

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don't allow you to be in my
presence, And you're welcome for that.

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What I just but you can easily
fling off a leg and fling off

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a hand and be like, yeah, nah, I can't. But the

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reality is that it doesn't last long. What doesn't last long, the hand

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or the leg, it doesn't last
long. So yeah, I can put

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up with it for the little two
three minutes or whatever. It's not like

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it's gonna be a forever thing.
It doesn't last all that long, So

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yeah, you can put up with
it, so you it's not something you

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have to like, I don't have
to go out my way to let you

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put your leg on me. But
if it was something else that was like

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I gotta like I have there's no
effort for me to lay here and let

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you put your leg on me.
But it makes you happy, fine,

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Like what does it cost me?
It costs me nothing. But if it's

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something that I can't give, so, like you, you won't roll over

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and put your leg on me and
hug me up because that's not you,

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right, Like, so if if
it's not like comfortable for me, it's

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like, all right, I don't
want to, you know, like I'm

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gonna put my leg on her,
and because that's what she wants me to

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do. If that's not what I
do, then that's not what I do.

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And unfortunately, you're gonna get the
consequence of me not being able to

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do that. Like I'm I just
I'm not that person. But you gotta

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make that choice, like can I
accept this? And then once you accept

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that, y'all becoming in a space
where it's like I don't have to do

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anything to show you I love you, because you're gonna roll over you're gonna

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get your little two three minutes of
late time, and I may touch you

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at them in the middle of night
by mistake, and you'd be like,

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hey, he loves me. You
accept it. You take it in for

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what it is, like you know, like, wow, he really loves

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me because he touching me. And
you know I could it could have been,

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like you just have to take your
little wins. What if you started

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out hugging me and so and so
forth in the beginning of the relationship and

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now you don't do it no more
than what well, see, that's what

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you gotta be your soul from jump
like you can't send your representatives like hey,

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you know like I like to cuddle
and you did You did that,

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I did what you did that?
You were damn live me like that.

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You didn't hug me up in the
beginning. No, you will hug me

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up all night unless I moved.
If I moved, then it was over.

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No. I told you, I
told I told you, and listen,

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I am not a cuddle up.
I said, so, if you're

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going to cuddle with me, don't
move, get in can't stay stay right

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and don't make it like hey,
can I get in there? So I

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said, if this is what you
want to do, fine, I can

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make that accommodation. I can make
that accommodation for you. But I told

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you I am not that person.
So just because I allowed it, here

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we go with this. I allowed
it, I did. I allowed you,

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Like, all right, you hugging
me up is not allowing something.

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00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:41.359
You made an effort to hug me
up. Well, what did you talk

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00:23:41.400 --> 00:23:45.759
about? What hugging up? And
this is hugging up. I'm demonstrating,

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00:23:45.799 --> 00:23:48.519
guys, this is hugging up.
You made a conscious effort to do that,

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00:23:49.079 --> 00:23:52.640
to put my arm around you,
and that was hugging you up.

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That's hugging me up. Well,
and that's what you thought I was doing.

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And go me because like that is
not hugging up. Oh my gosh,

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00:24:02.599 --> 00:24:04.880
I put my arm over you from
hugging you up. That makes I

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mean, okay, yes, that's
what I did. You're gonna they gonna

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00:24:08.799 --> 00:24:12.119
the people are gonna start to dislike
you. They're gonna feel like, oh

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00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:15.960
my god, you're not treating my
girl's stinger right. They're gonna be like

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00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:21.160
sting what you're doing. And if
you can had an answer, if you

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00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:25.720
want, you and you'll find yourself
run up on a stump? Run up

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00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:29.559
on a stump? What does that
mean? When the boat runs up on

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00:24:29.559 --> 00:24:37.400
a stump? Was it stuck?
Exactly? Yo? He talking big ship?

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00:24:37.480 --> 00:24:40.960
Guys? Anybody talking big ship?
I'll just tell you what it is.

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So am I your person? Because
I can just be No, no,

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00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:48.440
no, you have yet to find
your person. You're getting carried away.

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00:24:48.920 --> 00:24:55.799
Don't start reaching. That's what I
told you, guys. Do y'all

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00:24:55.799 --> 00:24:59.880
hear this hotness? I said,
If it is, then let it be.

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00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:03.359
Don't sit there and try to make
a big deal out of it and

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00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:08.000
trying to reach you. You don't
want to follow the rules. This is

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00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:15.960
why your ass is gonna end up
on a stump. So I advise you,

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00:25:17.240 --> 00:25:18.920
this is how you want to end
the season. You, this is

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00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:25.160
the image you want to leave our
listeners with. Run up on a stump.

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00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:33.319
Don't reach a loveless relationship. I
want you to be sweet. I

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00:25:33.319 --> 00:25:36.160
want I want you to tell the
people how you really treat me. I

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00:25:36.200 --> 00:25:38.119
want you to tell people. I
want you. I want you to tell

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00:25:38.119 --> 00:25:45.519
the people that you love me.
You know, good will? I ain't

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00:25:45.720 --> 00:25:56.880
I don't talk like that. Don't
like I ain't nobody. Oh my god,

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00:25:56.960 --> 00:26:00.680
you're gonna they're gonna think I'm in
an abusive relationship. They think what

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00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:06.279
they want to and if you are, and they're gonna say, this is

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00:26:06.279 --> 00:26:11.960
why I'm throwing darts at your head. This is the psycho love. Nah,

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00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:18.400
so good, we all get over
here, right see there, you

319
00:26:18.440 --> 00:26:22.039
go reach it for if you don't
confirm, so we can wrap this up.

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00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:26.799
I cannot confirm nor deny. How
about that. I don't like it.

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00:26:26.279 --> 00:26:30.039
I don't like it at all.
You'll figure it out. I am

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00:26:30.079 --> 00:26:33.759
going to confirm that this is our
last episode of the season. I can

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00:26:33.799 --> 00:26:38.359
confirm that and we'll be back.
I can confirm that, and we're gonna

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00:26:40.799 --> 00:26:45.680
keep living life and left head I
thought you so I can confirm. All

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00:26:45.799 --> 00:26:49.960
right, guys, it's been real. We've had a blast. That's always.

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00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:56.440
Make sure you follow us on TikTok
and the Instagram, all the socials,

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00:26:56.440 --> 00:27:03.759
because of course we'll drop videos Instagram. It's Instagram. It ain't the

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00:27:03.799 --> 00:27:11.599
Bronx. I'm so confused. Oh
okay, I said it ain't the Bronx.

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00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:17.799
It's just an excuse me, my
bad Bronx people. Is he coming

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00:27:17.839 --> 00:27:18.839
for y'all? Too. I don't
know. You know, he's from Brooklyn.

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00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:22.599
He'd be a little shady. But
anyway, we're gonna keep living life

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00:27:22.640 --> 00:27:26.519
and laughing at it, as he
loves to say. Letter