S3E7 - Overthinker Stinker

0:01 What up, guys, it's your girl Ladies Stinger and we're back with another quick episode of Gems and Tonic. Today's quick pick is must an overthinker date a great communicator in order for a relationship to thrive. What say you, Rob, must a overthinker a great communicator? Yes, I mean it doesn't seem like that will work because the overthinker, No matter the communicator is great, they're still gonna overthink, like, oh, you thought you thought too much of that answer. You had that one waiting. It's not gonna work.

0:56 Wow, it's so negative. Not here, you set us an overthinker. They're gonna overthink. So I think everything is planned. That's that was too perfect. He was ready for that. That's not necessarily overthinking. What do you call overthinking? I'm an overthinker here? You are? Okay? So you don't think you being a good communicator helps with my overthinking? No, because you still overthink. You'll overthink the thought that the great communicator just communicated. I don't agree. So you think that. I think like if you go missing for three hours when I know you just left fork and it takes twenty minutes to come home, that something's happened. Yeah, I'm gonna be thinking something happened. Oh my god. If you communicate yo, the tire blowout, I'm getting a tire fixed, then I'm good. No, you got to be a great communicator. So so if I say, oh, the tire blew out, got to get a new tire, that's okay, that works. Yeah, because I know you're not dead on the side of the road because it takes you twenty minutes to get home. Why are you not here in two hours? But if you're overthinking and you're thinking like, okay, the tire blew out, yeah, okay, how about no, No, No, that's mistrusting. You taken mistrusting for overthinking. Don't

2:31 confuse the two. Well, clearly, if you overthinking, then theres no trust. Absolutely not. Why not, That's not how it works because you can't automatically tie the two together. Why do I have to communicate to you at the point where okay, it was three half hours, like you, What if I decided to go for a drink after and I just neglected to tell you, and then when I got home I told you. If I know that it takes you twenty minutes to come home, and you ain't said you going nowhere, Then I'm going to think something happened to you. What if your phone died, I'm going to think something happened to you. Okay, well, then that's what you think. But then when the person gets home and you say, then I'm going to be upset that you didn't communicate that I was going out for a drink. But I just communicated my phone died, so I couldn't tell you that I was going on. Now, you could have texted me from somebody else phone. What Why am I gonna text you from somebody else's phone so I know you're not dead? Because I'm an overthinker, like, what is the problem here? And then when I text you from somebody else's phone, you don't think you're gonna overthink, well, why is he texting me from so and So's phone? No, because you're gonna be like, Yo, my phone is dead. I'm here with such and such, I'm getting drinks. I'll be home in a minute.

3:53 It sounds a great communicator, It sounds good in theory, but I can't see you're mixing up someone that's mistrusting. It's not I'm not mixing it up because the overthinker is gonna overthink why is he calling from that phone? Yeah, are you kidnapped? That's my thought? Maybe are you being health for ransom? And so it never goes to anything other than he was dead in the street or it was kidnapped. No, not unless you've given me a reason to think it could be something else, if you've given me a reason in the past. So you say, every overthinker their thought processes to the worst. Oh, he died. It's never anything like I probably went off for a drink with his friends. He probably stuck in traffic, maybe a tire blew out. All type of thoughts run through their heads. As I am an extremist, so I go get yo, he might be dead.

4:57 That's me. So you being extremist. There are people are not as extreme. That's people that's in the middle of Oh it don't take no three hours to come home. He must be doing something. Why would you go to that if you ain't giving why would you go to he's dead, Because that's where my mind goes. I rather think you dead than doing something. Same way you go to he's dead. The same way somebody can go to he's doing something. Somebody that goes to he's doing something, is probably going to that because he's done something in the past. Now, if you've done something, No, if you've done something in the past, that's where my mind will go. If you've never done anything, I'm thinking, Oh my god, he's hurt, he's injured, something happened. Something can't be right.

5:42 He doesn't do this. So let's say this great communicator has communicated before. Then sometimes the tarblows out, or sometimes I go out with friends. Why do you have think? No, if you're normal, is yo, I'll take a drink out back before I go home, and I don't see when twenty minutes, Then my thought would be he might have went out to take a drink. Now, if you don't come home in a time that you normally take a drink, Oh shit, did he go take too many drinks? Did he run off the side of the road. Is he dead? I don't know. To me, Like I said, the overthinker is not gonna just think the extreme. They died. That's why I was concerned.

6:27 That's my thought process. I'm talking about me in that in that particular instance. So it always let me. So what about you? If I come home by nine o'clock every night and you don't see me. Don't you text to see yo, what happened? You're good? Right? Check if you're good? Right, I don't. I don't sit there and be like, uh, she probably died. I know you work late, so I'm like, all right, well, let me see how long it's gonna before you come home. It's just checking in and make sure show you that I'm concerned, Like, okay, I just want to make sure you are right. But are you concerned? You're saying it like like it's a show. I ain't saying it like sure, I'm saying like all right, you know it's going past your usual time. You know, everything all right with you?

7:14 You know, because you you and your little clausophobia, so you could have been stuck on the train and passed out. Someone got trying to run my business though, because that's what it is. You share sharing this care. We ain't gotta share everything. Okay, well you know it's not clasophobic. But yeah, if you don't say something and you leave my mind to run, or if I'm calling and you don't pick up, then I go to the worst, like, oh my god, he's dead. Well my kids, my kids I'll be like, oh shit, they got kidnapped, they're being hell hostage somewhere. Answer me, so I know you're not dead. That's me. Okay. There's a lot of people out there that think like that. I don't know about the stop it. That's the end of it, like, oh they're dead, that's it. I'm pretty sure it goes to more of a must be with somebody else instead of going to a natural like maybe he had a drink with them, with his people. Maybe he's doing this. Maybe he's stuck in traffic because I've been stuck in traffic for three hours and it's twenty minutes to get home. But I'm not gonna sit there like, hey, I'm stuck in traffic, be there because I don't know what's I'm gonna be there, so it ain't gonna be no conversation.

8:33 Like in five minutes checking in, still stuck in traffic, guess what still behind the same car. That's curteous, though it's not. It's curteous to be like, yo, the Lincoln is missed up, the Holland is meursed up, the George Washington is fucked is jacked. I say it, then that's what it is like, Okay, I gotta keep repeating. Nobody asked you to keep repeating it. You said, great communicator, so great communicating you a communicating. No, that's not what it means. You see, I think you're the problem. I don't think so. I think you're the problem that these people are referring to. Mind you. We got this from Instagram, y'all. I think he's the problem because you're thinking that they're asking you to report every thirty minutes where they at. No, that's not what they're looking for. That's what they're looking for. But I'm saying that's not gonna happen. Yo. You know, damn. I said I'm gonna be there at six. It's six thirty. Yo, My bad. This ain't working out or this happened. Why wouldn't you just say that? Right?

9:37 But see that that's that's different than checking in every five seconds? Like I just said, ain't nobody asking you to check in every five minutes? Why do you think that an overthinker needs that because they're overthinking all the time between because they're gonna keep checking you. So you're still in Do I do that? Yeah? What? Yes? Oh my god? Too much? It's a good thing. It's a normal video, so they can't see on my face again. Have I done that? No? Okay, And I'm telling you I'm an overthinker. I go straight to oh my god, they're dad.

10:20 But I've never done that. No, you've never like consciousness. Were you still doing traffic? He still done this? Are you still doing that? I've never done that, So don't say that. All overthinkers go to you gotta check in every five minutes, or you gotta do that. That's not what it is. They just want you to let them know what's up. Don't leave me thinking you dead at the side of the road. Yeah, but see so so well, So you're saying like you've never like, Okay, he's five minutes over his normal time. I'm gonna checking him. Have I checked on you five minutes over? Yes, five minutes, like five minutes, five ten minutes you normally here by now? Was you cooking or bringing food? I was walking up the way coming in with food.

11:11 Was I waiting to eat? No, because that because that's that might be a factor. It wasn't waiting for nothing, Sure, I wasn't waiting. I wasn't waiting for some nothing. It wasn't waiting for nothing like you normally hear by this time? Why you're not here? But did I call you before that? Okay, like five minutes after the time I'm normally there, all right, So I was checking on you. You you gott you gotta let something happen. You gotta get I did five minutes. According to you, five minutes ain't enough time. You on a dark back road back there. That stretch coming in by us is dark. And I checked on this particular time. It was during the day. I wasn't yes what particular was talking abot. I was walking up and he was like, oh, you ain't here. You usually get here by this. I think I went to the range or something like that. What And and I took a picture and sent it to you. I was like, I'm looking at this gopher right here, and then set you a picture. How long ago was that?

12:15 I can assure you, guys, I must have been waiting for food and he was taken too long. He was not waiting for food. I'm pretty sure if he went somewhere and it was during the day and I was here, I was waiting for him to come and feed me, and he was taken too long. All right, I'll let you tell it. You got it. You gotta go with that. I don't check up on you like that. I don't, but I can and you can get ignored. Would you ignore me? Yeah, if you keep checking up on me. No, I'm checking once. Once you keep checking up, I'm gonna keep checking up for you. If you keep checking up on me, be like, So he must have died because I stop. Stop. Uh, you're gonna stop community you you you're not even gonna go to good. You're gonna stay at average. Don't expect great because because great t you is ten times a day, that's what you consider great communication. No great communicator is saying what it is and then that's it. Okay, but the overthinker is gonna overthink.

13:20 Oh my god, I'm gonna take it too far. He sounded like the overthinker. Now, huh, what y'all say, guys? Not at all? Okay anyway, So but you just said an overthinker and a great communicator, it don't matter. It's not gonna work. The relationship is not gonna work. So it's our relationship not gonna work because I'm overthinker exactly, all right, And on that note and what no you said, what it is? I'm not asking no more questions. I'm moving on. I'm about to end the show because it ain't gonna work. All right, Well, we're gonna keep living life, laughing. Maybe later, yar,