S3E2 - Ring and a Prayer

0:01 What up, guys, the sugar latiest thinger and went back with another episode of Gems and Tonic. So this season, you know, we're looking for all the juicy, juicy juicy topics. So we saw something on social media where this gentleman proposed to his girlfriend of ten years in the car with the ring. No thought, you don't. We gotta tell him what happened. I'm sure they all saw the video. Yeah, but you can at least be like, all right, what, don't be biased. I'm bias. I'm biased. Ten years in the car driving from wherever with a ring, I don't even know that he say will you marry me? Did he even say will you marry me? He started recording after that, so he said he started saying I said the words now whatever, no thought, no nothing.

0:57 In the car on the way home, she said no, packed up belongings, and I hope moved on. But we're gonna talk about it because I know your boy, Rob. It's coming with a different point of view than mind. Let's go number one. Should she have said yes or no? I mean that was her choice. That that's I don't think that should be up for debate. As far as if she should have said yes no. If at that point she felt like she didn't want to say yes, then well the time frame was an issue for her. So we're gonna talk about the time frame, and we're gonna talk about the way it was done. So the way it was done, do you agree with the way it was done? Well, See, if the time frame was an issue, then why was she still there in a relationship with him. I'm cool with being a girlfriend and I'm gonna stay that, you know, forever, But now that you proposed me out no, Well I know we've once talked about if after someone proposes to you, if the answers or no, the relationship is done. So she might have been just cool being the girlfriend because after all this time, she didn't settled with you asked, because you took forever in the fucking day to get to it, and now she don't want to be your wife. Well maybe she was ready to go out the door anyway.

2:07 That's why maybe this was the senner. She was like, here's my outde You can't tell me that you've been with him for ten years. You waited ten years, you wanted it, After five years you wanted it. And then he said nah, I'm not ready for that. And five years. Yeah, but you still waited another five years because she decided, Okay, this is where it is. It's not gonna be nothing else. So now now with your drama talking about something, will you marry me? And I don't want to marry you? Now now that you ask me, now I got to break up with you because you know, after you say no, then a relationship is over. So you made me in a relationship by asking me after ten years, don't ask me it's over. Well, see, it's over because the way he was acting, he was acting salty.

2:58 It's like he wouldn't come back from that. He probably give all types of attitudes exactly because once you propose and I say no, the relationship is over. So you should have just left it because you ain't want me to begin with, because you ain't no after five years, you what's the difference? After ten nobody else wants your ass, So now you want me, I don't. I don't think it's the fact that you know, some people are slower on the gideo whatver, that some people some people just like you know, it's not for me, it's not for me. Then one day they get it like, no, it's an epiphan It's like, you know what, I can do this? I mean, yeah, when you come with it. You may have missed the bus, but you still came. He missed the bus. And is she wrong to pack her stuff and break out?

3:53 People saying she's ungrateful? How is she ungrateful? I wouldn't say she's ungrateful. She she wanted what she wanted and she didn't get it. Now, I definitely wouldn't call it her grateful because it's not like she said. Well, I mean, I guess if she don't want to be with him. So do you think that if he would have put some more effort into the delivery, into the proposal itself, that it may have changed her mind and her reaction toward it. I mean, the way she was talking, it sounded like it would have, but I don't really think it would have. I think I think she was looking for the exit door anyway. I think that if he would have come with some type of effort, and you know, I planned on this, I worked on this, I thought about this, I thought about myself. You know, I sat down and I looked into myself and realized that I really want to be with you. I knew it took me this amount of time to get here, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, and planned it out. She would have realized, yeah, but the way he came with, like yo, I'm just doing this ahead, shut you up. She realized this is not the person for me. In that moment, she's like, yo, you put no thought effort into this. You don't give a shit about me. That ring was not a just shut up ring. What because the because the ring is nice ring. The piece of jewelry you could put You could put a piece of thread on my finger and we married. It has Yes, you can put a piece of So you're trying to say she should be impressed by the

5:23 jewelry. I'm not saying she should be impressed. I'm saying that she had to at least take it in consideration. Okay, he did buy a nice ring. He could have got she should at that point, after ten years know him and if that was the person he was like, that was like he ain't never been that type of person. They come out with the romance set up. In the romance, then she could have been like, you know what, in the car, guy, you could have waited until we got home. I mean, she was could have got on her knee, she was driving, So definitely I wouldn't have did it in the car because if she would have said yes and got excited, you might have killed his book. That's what you're thinking about. So you're thinking about self preservation.

6:05 You're not even thinking about making it nice for her. You're one of those guys. He's one of those guys. So do something where when you got out the car, you know, you walk over to her side and then proposed something something besides while you're driving. Yes, that was whack right, totally weekly weakedy, whack Okay, Chris, but he comes the butt, here comes the bullshit, no bullshit. But yeah. But but I think that from her reaction, she already was trying to figure out how to get out of the religion ten years waiting for your ass. Yeah yeah, but I mean she shouldn't have made it about the way he proposed. But look, I'm just I'm tired of waiting for you. Your proposal was whack.

6:54 It shows you put no effort, you have no care and no concern for me, and I'm gone. She should have said it all she should have laid it on. She was trying to be nice, She was trying to spare his feelings. I do I think she was. And then when he started where you going with that? You ain't buy that? And d yeah, you ain't the one for me? Bro Well, I mean she accepted it up until that point, except to what the lifestyle? What lifestyle? The girlfriend boyfriend lifestyle? Okay, she accepted his little don't propose, his little YACKI number nine, don't propose? Oh I oh, you're talking about her hair, the little YACKI number nine. Is that a thing? Yaki number nine? I don't know. I think it was a thing. It may not be these days. It make go sound it's more special. But yeah, so we in a relationship. If you buy me some hair, you buy me some hair, don't axalty what I'm eaven talking about? I'm not taking the hair? Yeah, but how does he how does he give her a hair? Does she's like this? He probably gave her the money to get the hair, right, so he at least when out it got the ring, he could have been like, yeah, here's some money, go get your ring. Better off married, he might have been better off because she could have told him no right then and there and saved him, saved him the embarrassment. Well, I mean, I oh, he he just figured out that you know what this is, this is the one for me. He knew no, like no, it took him years. It

8:24 took him ten years to run through everything else, at all his other options to realize nobody else ain't warn him, so let me stick with the one that's riding with me. And now she realized, yeah, nose, that's what I think. That's what she think. That's why she said no, I don't know, I promise you. I think there's like you ain't got no option, so I'm the last one left. She would have said that she didn't want to embarrass him or embarrass herself because then people are gonna be like, well, why you waited around waiting to see you know what you gonna do? Yeah, But she never said anything like are you cheated on me? Or you was this? She was that it was just the fact that he waited, because that'll make her look dumb that she stayed in a relationship. Shit, she stayed in a relationship for ten years and then decided I got the ring down, I'm out, like I mission accomplished. I'm done. That's how you see it. Yeah, like, no, no, no, really, I got him to proposed. Nah, if he would have proposed in a timely fashion, then maybe he would have had a chance. However, her time frame passed. Now she don't want that no more. That's what the problem is that, people, And how is that?

9:41 How is that a problem? If I have a standard and this is what it is and you can't meet it, that's what it is. We adult. I should be able to go my way, but if I have a standard, then you should be able to meet that. Right. No, we're supposed to compromise. Ain't that what you always say? You can meet somewhere in the middle. Ain't that what you always say? Yeah, okay, give me some in the middle in the middle. He did, He didn't ten years the middle. No, it wasn't. What was it? Maybe seven? Maybe six? If hers was five, I don't know what her limit was. How dumb is that? Like? Oh, seven, seven was a round number? What you mean? How dumb is that? How seven? Around up? Ten is a round number? Five, ten, fifteen, twenty. Okay, So if parliament is five, If parliament is five, then what he was too over right, he's too old two. But at ten it's like, you know what, let's revisit, because it's revisit. No, y'all are ridiculous. Y'all be expecting, and I'm using the term general men on a whole expect to put women on a shelf and come and dust them off when they ready for them. I am not sitting and waiting and collecting dust for you. I'm not doing that.

10:58 Neither is she She sat we she she sat and waited when she didn't get what she wanted. At five years, my girl started planning, okay, and and now she ready to yep, and she stocked her paper, waited for her yak number ninees and she good to go now. But it wasn't good. And I waited for the tenures, like, like, how does that work out? If you like? If you don't, you don't think at five years you should know whether or not this is the person for you to spend the rest of your life with. Five years okay, and so what's the problem. I didn't say, if you're not going to if you're not going to let the person go, everybody, everybody's the same. I agree, And he didn't. He didn't. He didn't keep a gun to her head and say, we don't know, we don't know, we don't know what it was. We don't know. Oh, you don't know.

11:54 But then she's in a car driving and decide, you know what, I'm gonna tell you leave. If she felt threatened, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been that situation. Here's the thing, though, She didn't say she was gonna leave until he started acting stupid in the car. What she said, she doesn't want to ring in the car, and she said she was going. He said, so what, you're gonna leave? And she's must have said yes, because that's what he went to when stopped. He went to that, right, Because if you don't want to get married, then what are we doing? Like you said, you said, this is what you wanted, Now you don't want it. So what we're doing, there's nothing wrong with that to me. So if I tell you tomorrow i'm out, you're good. That's what it is, is not the wrong. It's nothing wrong with that to me. It's not wrong with that. That's if that's what you decide, then that's what it is. Okay, So why are you trying to Why are you trying to say why you Well that's what he did. He was like, where you going? Stop playing where you're going? But why are you gonna say that? She been planning that if okay, she decided nah saying it because that was too easy, Like she was what, well, how how was it supposed to be It was supposed to be hard, it was supposed to be tears. No, it was it was supposed to be in a conversation. Really yeah, she probably been talking to this man for the last seven eight years, and then she could have been like, all right, well this is this is why I don't want this, and this is why, like she's probably tired of talking.

13:24 Okay, Well then you're just like all right, well I'm going to have to pack myself and then she can well, you're not gonna help me, like negro, you are leaving me. Why I might help you leave me. You're not gonna help me pack my stuff. I'm gonna help you pack your stuff because I'm a different type of person. I'm like, oh, yeah, what you needed me lift something? Got you? Wait? Never mind, my back is aching my belts, my boot shaken from the left of the ride, So you're not helping me pack. I'm gonna watch you, watch me for what, But make sure you don't hurt yourself. You know what I'm saying. Make sure you got help me. If I hurt myself, make sure you got everything. Don't forget that. I'm taking everything then, so I don't forget nothing. How about that? That's fine?

14:09 That is following me. You know I'm a minimalist. Minimalist. Yes, leave me my xbox on the TV. You can have everything else. You straight take the food, take everything. See now, why are you taking food? Like what's going extra? Don't take from the moody. Don't take the food, and don't take the xbox. You can take everything else. I'm gonna leave you the dog. No, that's you're not gonna do. You're gonna take the dog with you. You came in with him, you gonna leave out with him. And that's how that's gonna go. Oh oh my goodness. All right. So you agree that if one person has something in their head and that's not met and they decide it's time to cut, then it's time to cut. I definitely agree that. You know, like if if, if you don't feel like you can handle something like that, then you should get ahead and move on, like because after that point, if it wasn't what you wanted, it's gonna go downhill from there, and then it's gonna be animosity between the two of you more than what it is at that point. So why should you get ahead and put yourself in a relationship, I mean in a situation where you're going to have to you're gonna hate somebody, like, you know what, this is not working. We should go our separate ways and then keep it pushing, you know what.

15:37 As an adult, you gotta be like, all right, you're right, it's not working. Cool. Why why I don't laugh? Don't laugh? I mean, that's that's what it is. That is what it is like people grow apart, you know, people you know, want different things in life. You know, I can't say what I want today is what I wanting tomorrow because what I want today is not to do what I wanted yesterday. I mean, things changed, Like maybe you don't want to get married now, and it could have took him ten years to figure that out, Like I can be a husband. Like maybe he was soul searching, you know, and it took ten years to find his soul. It happens.

16:26 Some people take longer. Some people be like they together forty years, like y'all, y'all got married. Now look here, But but you're doing the same thing. You're living together, you're doing everything that y'all would be doing. Well. See, that's where she was wrong. She shouldn't have stayed for ten years if she felt like, I'm going to not get what I want after five after the fifth year, if you didn't if y'all didn't have a conversation and y'all didn't discuss, okay, where are we going, and if it wasn't to your satisfaction and you say, you know what, I can't do this for another five years. I'm gonna leave now. She should have did it five years ago. To do it after ten years, like bruh, you waited another actual five years like you was like, I'm going okay, so wait, so what's the cutoff? What's the waiting cutoff?

17:15 There's no waiting cut off. But you can't you can't turn around and be like you waited ten years for this, that you waited ten years for this. That was her cutoff. She she's that was it. That was like, you can't be that. That was the shamo that broke, the destroy that broke was back. She was like, he not serious? Ten years not? But did we know that she would have left if he didn't propose when she stayed there fifteen? We don't know. Maybe she like round numbers. We don't know. I mean like she was like, I gotta leave on an id e or I mean, what's up a multiple of five in the five years? So five, fifteen and fifteen, she would have left, you know it. She she put herself in that position to me because she didn't leave. She didn't stand on her business after five now after ten.

18:10 I didn't say, not saying that she should. She has to accept it, but she gave him the inclination that it was going to be accepted because you waited for it. Very insightful, very very very insightful. What you say if you don't get You just said, if you don't get something in the timeframe that you deem satisfactory, stand on business, satisfactory, satisfactory, stand on business and bounce. That's what you say. That's it. Ten toes, ten toes, ten toes down, walking out the door with those ten toes, be out, don't look back, don't look back, no compermise and no compromise, no hard feelings, no compromise. I mean, that's what the conversation is going to have to be. If you're gonna have the conversation and it's like, I say, five years, this is what it's gonna be. All right, Look, I ain't ready after five years? Can you give me another two three and a half? Maybe you know what I mean, Like, you can bargain in but you gotta at least put it out there. Are you bargaining in good faith? Yeah, to see if I'm gona get there. And if I don't get there, then then two three and a half you be like, all right, what we're doing? You're like, uh, listen, can I get an extension on that? You be like no, then you standing on business. I'm out. So give give a guy eight years. I didn't say you have to give him eight years. You're talking numbers. If somebody's limit is five,

19:40 you're saying you should at least be able to stretch to seven or eight as a compromise. If your standard was five. If your standard was five, you have to figure out what you're willing to wait after that five Because you said here's five you drew a line in the sand, sat five is my thing. When you got to five, he was like, I'm not ready at five, but we're good. Can we wait a limp two or three? It's a long time, it is, But at that point you can be like, I can't wait a two or three. If you don't know about five, you're not gonna know in another two or three to me, So I'm gonna leave. But if you're gonna have the conversation, give him the time. Then at that and when that two or three come up, you can't expect that it's gonna change it. It may not work in your favor. He might still be like, yeah, I'm not there yet, giving you two or three to get your ship together because you know we're breaking up. That's what it like. That could be it. He could He could have been like, you know what, I need a little get back time, Like I gotta figure some things out. Way I'm gonna stay after this. You're gonna stay after this, so I need to figure that out, you know, because he might have been living it well, no, it sounded like there was. It was living together, so it was probably not like it was his place because she was she packed upus shit the bounce quick quick. What I mean, maybe she had somewhere else to go, Like I said, she might have been already had to say. She

21:11 might have said, after five, all right, I'm gonna work. I'm gonna do my exit plan. And so he might have messed up and gave her the time to get right. Yep, pretty much. But I I like I said, I think that if she, if she's gonna stand on he waited ten years, then she shouldn't have waited ten years because she was supposed to be let She had supposed to be going in five. So technically her, I mean, she could have took the ring and everything and then dipped on him. She at least she ain't even do that. Y'all gotta give her credit for that. Well, she took she took the yakies, So I mean she was she you gave me something, if I give you something that really gifted. He gifted in a ring. That because she didn't accept the ring, because she would have had to give it back anyway.

22:08 Quarter law. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's a promise everything, So it was a conditional so m But regardless, like I said, I think she she set herself up for that by not standing on the business like she was like, that's five years. You should have known, like if he if that was because they had to have the conversation like I need to figure out where I need to be. So when he kept saying I need to figure it out, she should have been like, well, I can't wait for you to figure it out. But she waited ten years. Now I figured out, I'm gonna leave. She can leave whenever she want to leave. She could have left it at any time. But she can't make that this. Yes she can. Yes, if she chose to state she could leave when she wanted to leave. That was it. That was her trigger, Like he not serious. I thought we were just gonna be roommates with privileges for the rest of our days, and I was okay with that.

23:11 But now now that he dodn'et wore out all his options, he want to play me and come with this ring. I don't accept this. So that's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. When when these guys are out here talking about some I don't know and I can't and I'm not ready yet, and da da da da da what stop it. You know, you know, you absolutely know. It's just like when we had the whole conversation about dream girl. You know, what were the categories again, the five categories dream girl, out of your league, dream girl, and I can't remember what the lower three were, but you know you you admitted to that. You was like, y'all know right away what it's gonna be, so you're right away, well me not say right away. You know right away that you're gonna deal with a dream girl or somebody at your league, and you know if you're trying to make that person your wife or not. You know, you you do know you can figure out in less than ten years if it's going to be the one. Now, he could have he could have easily have said, I want to propose, you know, at this time when I have this situated, blah blah blah, like giving her what it was that he was thinking, right that might have worked, and then did a better proposal, and yeah, he could have worked and it could have worked, but I guess again because she's settled. He was like, she'd wait for it. You just you you've

24:45 given her nothing. You just given her like the the thoughtless holdest, like last minute. It's just garbage. It was just horrible. Like I agre, Definitely, you ain't got to be the most romantic person in the world. But if you need help, ask for help, call a friend, phone a friend, party, plan as somebody. I mean, it is the internet, you could have you could have searched. Now, is the internet the problem? While you're looking at the Internet and seeing all these extravagant proposals, Now, was she like looking for something bigger and better that, well, bigger and better than anything would have been bigger and better than that, but just in general, like he could have he could have stood outside the house and threw a ring in the window. All right, So you agreed that was a failed major, failed major. All right, guys, step your game up. If you need some help, quite boy, Rob, He'll have you throw the ring in the window. Later throwing rocks at the window. And then when she gave open it, it's like, yo, what are you doing? Sow the ring hit in the forehead. She'd be like, oh my god, you're so funny that you said that.

26:10 I would that damn ring back at you if I could find it, because I probably think it's a rock. Pick it up and fling it back and I have no aim, so wind up somewhere in the bush and we all mad, and we all mad, So don't do that, but ask for help. I mean, definitely, if it was that important, and it was, because it definitely didn't was that important. If that's the problem, son, I got this ring. What you want to do? I mean, we don't know what he said. He could have He could have literally said will you marry me? But like she can't even look at him because she's driving horrible garbage. Okay, we agree on that part. We agree on that part. Okay, we don't agree on nothing else, probably not.

26:56 And on that note, you could keep living life and laughing. Have a good night, y